It's been awhile since I've walked down the garden path of the lunatic fringe. I used to take the path regularly just to see what was on the far side but for one reason or another I stopped going—maybe finding people there that I admired as a younger person was reason enough.

Paul McCartney immediately comes to mind.

Or perhaps the fact that a different path needed inspection; perhaps the protectionist path that frightens me so, I’m not sure which.

But recently an article that appeared in the London Telegraph grabbed my attention. I’m not sure how I came upon it but the moment I saw the headline I knew I was reading it—even though I told myself not to, knowing that it would put my pen to paper and take me away from another story I was working on.

But I needed a break anyway; research was getting deeper and longer as it almost always does when you research an environmental movement that seldom makes sense.

In the opening lyrics of the Pink Floyd song “Brain Damage” Roger Waters softly sings, “The lunatic is on the grass”. Apparently Waters is referring to Please Keep Off The Grass signs and that disobeying such signs might be an indication of early insanity. If such is the case, there must be an awful lot of people disobeying signs because there seems to be a lot of people on the grass these days.

In this instance the headline screamed, “Wildlife documentaries invade animal privacy rights, claims leading academic”.

Say what?

I often wonder how it is that monikers like “leading academic” or “top scientist” can be assigned to individuals who, well, if they truly were “leading” or “top” wouldn’t be making nonsensical claims every time a microphone is placed in front of them or a paper needs written.

Sure there are the Petards of the world (can I say Petard?) who most certainly are on the grass, but most of them are buxomly women with small brains and one would expect such thoughts of randomness from them—but hardly from our academic community. Unfortunately, lately, it appears to be more-so than not-so regardless of continent.

According to Dr. Brett Mills, the senior lecturer at the University of East Anglia in the UK, “Animals just like humans have a basic right not to have their most intimate moments—such as mating, giving birth and dying—broadcast to an audience of millions.”

“There are many activities which animals engage in which are common to wildlife documentary stories but which are rendered extremely private in the human realm.

“Mating, giving birth, and dying are recurring characteristics in nature documentaries, but the human version of these activities remains largely absent from broadcasting.”
Maybe Dr. Mills should pull his nose from between the pages and grab the remote control once in awhile. Maybe a satellite dish is in order or a membership to Blockbuster.

Lately it seems true science has fallen the way of animal-rights activists and extreme environmentalism and as governments and politicians capitulate to radical movements we can merely shake our heads in disbelief.

Our favourite Petard – Ingrid Newkirk.

Take our favourite Petard, Ingrid Newkirk, who continues to amaze every time she opens her 61-year-old piehole.

The British-born founder of PETA most recently stated that she and her gang of misfits would be erecting a billboard that shows a “skinned cow’s head on a slaughter hook that emanates the smells of rotting flesh, urine, feces and blood.”

Of course this is in retaliation for a grocery store chain in Mooresville, North Carolina that purchased a billboard showing a juicy steak that actually emits a charcoal-and-pepper aroma from the billboard.

I’m thinking it probably smells pretty good.

According to Newkirk though, “You can dice it and slice it and broil it or boil it, but the real scent that meat gives off is the smell of decomposing flesh.”

Well, being a hunter and having spent as much time as I have in the bush, I have smelled decomposing flesh, having on occasion found the resulting carcasses of predator-killed ungulates.

I don’t know about you, but my spidey senses found the two aromas to be drastically different. In fact my good friends Pierre Frigon and Gord Trenholm, on a recent weekend wood hauling/fishing trip, grilled up a few elk steaks that were extremely aromatic. Prior to those steaks we enjoyed some fresh pike we’d caught earlier in the day and it too filled my nostrils with a scent that was quite exquisite. Decomposing flesh? I think Ingrid et al need their heads examined, or at the very least a shot of nasal mist.

And then Ingrid’s infamous counterparts—the Animal Liberation Front, or ALF—decided to carry on doing what they do best, which is burning stuff down.
Most recently a sheepskin factory in Glendale, Colorado.

Our man, known as ALF Lone Wolf, also took responsibility for burning down a Tandy Leather Factory in Salt Lake City in early June claiming, “The arson at the Sheepskin Factory in Denver was done in defense and retaliation for all the innocent animals that have died cruelly at the hands of human oppressors. Be warned that making a living from the use and abuse of animals will not be tolerated. Also be warned that leather is every bit as evil as fur. As demonstrated in my recent arson against the Leather Factory in Salt Lake City. Go vegan!” wrote the asinine activist on a website called Bite Back.

Which appears to be little more than a magazine for ALF where it claims: Literally every day the brave women and men of the Animal Liberation Front are out liberating, smashing, painting and burning their way across the world for no other reason than to bring us closer to animal liberation!

The least we can do is support their actions.

Do so by distributing Bite Back Magazine in your area! Let local activists know about actions and prisoners they can write, read heartwarming and inspiring interviews and stories, and most importantly show support for the ALF.

In the fourth line of Pink Floyd’s song Brain Damage, Waters sings, “Got to keep the loonies on the path”—suggesting that staying on the path as opposed to on the grass is the way of a sane society.

For men and women so inclined to enjoy the finer points in life, like a perfectly grilled elk steak, or a fish fry of a freshly caught pike and a cold beer on a warm afternoon in the wondrous outdoors, staying on the path is the only way we know.

And perhaps the reason we differ so.

Not sure I would have it any other way. ■

For previous Outdoor Pursuits click here.